Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Don Marcio, 1945-2015


Growing up, my Tio Marcio always had a movie to share. His library was extensive. Each one of his VHS tapes held anywhere between three to six movies. New releases, classic joints, B-movies, Spanish, English, comedy, action flicks, you name it. He always had the two VCR set up in his home, perfect for dubbing. He’d rent a movie damn near every day and recorded it just for fun. It was his hobby. Every time we visited him, we’d always leave with a new release. He was our family’s Red Box, our very own live stream app. I’d browse his collection like walking through Blockbuster. And the great thing was we didn’t owe him anything. “Have you seen this one?” he’d say. His reviews were simple and to the point, something like “esta buena” was equivalent to Siskell & Ebert’s “two thumbs up.” But that was the only time he kept things short and sweet. He knew how to command an audience. My Tio had excellent oratory skills. He had a speaking voice akin to how Vicente Fernandez sings. His word play was poetic and poignant. He used vivid examples and painted pictures during his speeches at weddings, quincenieras, and family gatherings. I always looked forward to hearing him speak because I knew he was about to drop the mic on everyone. That’s who I remember growing up, a stoic man with many depths. He had his demons too but I’ve learned now as a grown man, we all battle those daily.


During my childhood, my family never really talked about the past. No one sat the younger generation down to tell “back in my day” stories. At least not when we were kids because, hey, we were kids and we were on a need-to-know basis. The only way you’d learn about your family history was by eavesdropping on grown folks conversations during the holidays or in passing when visiting Abuelita Consuelo’s house.  I say that to say, I cannot give you the definitive history about my uncle’s life. I can only share my perspective, what I saw, heard and experienced.  And from what I know, he was a well-known, super connected business man in Honduras and brought that same passion to the United States. He instilled that work ethic and drive in his children and it trickled down generationally to me and my younger cousins. I looked up to his sons and daughters as examples of what to do with my life: go to college and establish a career (not just a job). Their success is the realization of his vision when he left Honduras to escape political turmoil. He had deep political ties in his birth country and remained passionate about it all until the day he died— ironically or poetically while on vacation in Honduras. 



The other day, my mother shared that it was my Tio Marcio who helped put her paperwork in order so that she could come to the U.S. and be with my dad after they were married. Skimming through old photo albums she pointed to a picture of her with my Tio and said: that was the day he drove me to the airport. We continued skimming the album and we came across my parent’s backyard wedding in Honduras. That was your Tio Marcio’s house, she said.  Of course it was, I thought. My Tio was more a grandfather-figure to me than uncle and it was clear that he dutifully filled the role of patriarch for the entire Sanchez family in one way or another. Over the next two days, we’ll say goodbye to him at his wake and funeral as he joins his son Juan Carlos, his sister Ceneyda, his mother Consuelo and his father Andres in heaven. The Sanchez-Montoya legacy they all helped create will be there to mourn him. In that gathering and moving forward, I hope to celebrate him by remembering and honoring what he and his siblings have endlessly preached my entire life: family always comes first.

Tio Marcio taking my mother, Janett, to the airport to come to the U.S.




Abuela Consuelo, Tio Marcio, Tia Ceneyda

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Image Fathers- 2015




LET'S BE TRANSPARENT. The Father's Day project you hopefully will take the time to read and
enjoy was partly conceived for selfish reasons. The six men highlighted are my friends. In fact, we've known each other for 18 years plus. We've been to each others weddings, either as men of honor, the best man or guests. But in the midst of it all, the question arose: How well do we know each other?

DuJuan Johnson, my college roommate freshman year and very first friend at Cal State Fullerton, came to me with an idea. He knew that our stories were universal and he wanted to make sure they were told. If we didn't do it for ourselves, who would? He was right and I was onboard to help create it. He took the pictures and designed the website. I wrote the profiles.

As this project progressed we understood it's mission was simple. We wanted to celebrate each others' successes and recognize the hard work we've put in over the years to become loving husbands and fathers. This project is also an opportunity for us to continue to build a bond with one another as friends and brothers. As the demands of life pull us in different directions, it's important that we find the time as men to commiserate, to conference, to share best practices and philosophies. If a little sports talk breaks out so be it. 

It's clear that our backgrounds paint a picture of who we are and help us connect in ways we didn't think to before. Personally, writing the features for each of my friends was a daunting task. I knew their story was important and people could relate to them but I was afraid to not represent them well. I feel more connected to them knowing a little bit more about their past and the events that shaped them as men. 
 
With that reflection, I hope other fathers and men could connect and be inspired in some way.

Click here to check it out. IMAGE FATHERS- 2015


 

Saturday, March 14, 2015

The Genesis of a 4-year old

THE BATTERY didn't fit. He didn't care, he was determined. The game had no business working. Didn't matter, he found a way. Every time I think I have all the answers, Ezra somehow proves me wrong.

Remember the spinning pond game with the fish in it? The one with the plastic rods? Ezra recently was gifted one but he couldn't play with it because it needed a C battery. The next day, we went to the store to find one and as I put the package in my cart, Ezra stopped me.
"We already have a battery Daddy,” he said.

Thinking my wife had found one, we left the store for home and as soon as we walked in the door he ran to his toy and flipped the switch.

"See Daddy, it works!"

Sure enough it started spinning and I looked in the compartment surprised to see a small triple A battery powering it. I laughed at the sight of this tiny battery, barely touching the connections in order for it to work.

Ezra had grabbed the first thing he saw from our miscellaneous drawer (that one place in the house where you keep random stuff like matches, scissors, instruction manuals, takeout menus, extra keys, you know you have one...) and placed it in the battery compartment. The thing just started moving.

My smile was as big as one of those fish grasping to get caught. I'm amazed how his little brain works sometimes. I wish I could have read his mind as he probably thought something like… “Pops, let me show you how it's done.”
The ingenuity that comes from the innocence of a child sometimes is astounding. Proof that always relying on conventional thinking can stop you dead in your tracks. Once more, an example of a kid with an idea, applying it regardless of what authority says and making it work.

Ezra is smart. His imagination grows faster than the curls on the top of his head. And I respect it. Which is why sometimes I treat him like he's older than 4 years old.

When I started thinking about what to buy him for his fourth birthday, I realized this kid already has everything. Could it be possible that my child is privileged?

It reminded me of a recent conversation I had with some of my closest friends about how much we struggle with the luxuries we afford our children. I mean, growing up, would we have the latest and greatest of everything on the market? Would you have had an Ipad? Or a Wii, or a flat screen TV?
I used to dream about decorating my room with the likes of He-Man or Thundercats. Don't get me wrong, I had plenty of cool stuff as a kid but it was different. We understood the real struggle of our parents to provide. We appreciated what we had (later when we finally understood), even though it wasn't much. Ezra asks questions to this friends at school that remind me how much he has it made. "Where's your Ipad?" "Do you have a pool?"

By no means do I mean privilege in the way that's automatically bestowed upon a certain race in which at times they find themselves feeling guilty about -- that's a whole other story. Nor do I mean it completely in the old money, traditional context of the word associated with the uber-wealthy or the upper-class. Although it's closer to the latter. We aren't broke but we're not buying a mansion anytime soon. We're doing alright for ourselves despite our challenges and Ezra reaps the benefits. He has his own room, something I didn't get until later in life. He has a flat screen TV with a Wii and it's decked out with Ninja Turtle decorations and toys everywhere. I would have killed for a room like that when I was kid. It's just normal to Ezra. He expects every kid to have it. And that's when it's clear this generation is different. I knew it when he, as a 2-year-old, would walk up to any TV or computer monitor and expect it to be touchscreen. And why shouldn't it be? There's that innocence and ingenuity again, this time mixed in with privilege. It's my job to keep him humble.

Back to his gift. I thought about it as I walked down the aisles of the store and then I saw the Sega Genesis console on the shelf. My eyes lit up. I wanted to buy it-- for me! But I knew Ezra would love it too or at least I hope he would. I realized the box clearly was marked 10 years plus. I knew some of the 80 games built-in were a bit inappropriate. But despite that, I needed him to experience it. I wanted him to feel the joy I once did playing “oldschool” video games. Of course, I'm not helping this whole privileged theory of mine, buying him even more stuff to add to his vast collection of stuff. At least it's not the X-box or Playstation 4 so I'm good. Either way, I figured the best way to try to keep him humble is to take him back to the things I experienced as a young kid and perhaps it could show him that everything wasn't always so fancy and advanced.

The other day we hopped on YouTube and I asked him if he wanted to see some real cartoons. I searched for He-Man and it popped up on cue (everything is on YouTube). Somehow, I thought that if he experienced the same cartoons as I did, we'd connect on some other level. I realized the animation in He-Man was campy. The dialogue, terrible. But guess what? Ezra was into it. Kids are kids. They they love to laugh, sing, dance, be silly and most importantly, use their imagination, whether its sparked by a cartoon from the 80s or 2010s.

So I won't hold it against him that he's obsessed with Big Hero 6 and Ninja Turtles. Maybe one day he'll sit down with his son and pull up clips of BayMax or Michelangelo to show his children 'old school' cartoons and reminisce with them.  Until then, it's Road Runner and Wiley Coyote for you big boy. Happy Birthday, kid.